January 23, 2021

The last day of my 58th year - the night before steeped in talk of mortality, how we have honored the dead, how we hope ourselves will be honored, or remembered, the absurdity the transience of life where the tragic can transform instantly to the comedic and the quickly back again. One step closer. 

Today, it was partaking in one of those rituals of remembrance, this one for my mom, sharing one of her favorite things, a fondu with friends. A long slow dinner party preparing intimate bites between sips and stories. To my friends this is now a ritual associated with me, to my mom this was a ritual associated with her sister. A monument in practice, a tradition perhaps, but one that evolves with each iteration. 

Tonight the conversation continues with no agenda but to connect with each other, to be present in the moment. Memento Vivere - the future will come regardles

January 22, 2021

January 22, 2021 

A crow visited the backyard this morning. I’ve been putting out peanuts for the Jays for some time now. They call to me when they want to be fed, and on a few occasions, I’ve caught them peeking into the bedroom window to see if I’m there. A squirrel has learned of our routine and often waits behind the foliage of the wall, before claiming his share. But this morning a crow showed up. 

Lisa heard his call first, thinking it the squirrel who often chirps in protest of the dogs and cats who may be watching. It was the percussive clicking trill that Miyazaki forest creatures make - and crows. He was perched on a strand of fairy lights, looking at the nuts, the surroundings - as I lifted my phone to take a picture he flew off. Perhaps I spooked him, but he now knows where we are. 

One of my goals for last year was to friend a crow. So many of my goals were left undone last year as the pandemic struck, this was more a fanciful wish. But today, a crow came to visit - messenger from Odin? A happenstance perhaps, but I take it as a sign, things are changing and the things I have been unable to accomplish seem possible again.

January 21, 2021

January 21, 2021 

We went to bed last night talking about poetry - not the likelihood of national guard deployment, not which of our neighbors might vandalize our house, but poetry. 

Clearly the inaugural moment that stands out in my mind was poet Amanda Gorman, her thoughtful, powerful, playful words that comforted and challenged me. An LA poet, I’m embarrassed to confess I didn’t know about until her appearance on the dais. Less that two years ago she spoke at MOCA, back before the pandemic and I was a regular visitor. How could I miss her? 

Every time I encounter poetry in my life it moves me and delights me - yet I rarely seek it out. Maybe it’s the need to hear it that prevent me from picking up texts? Though, when I do, I often find pieces I love to share by reading aloud. Poetry must be spoken. Still, I’m not sure where my ambivalence comes from - too much bad poetry? The need for it to be actively engaged? An arcane medium pushed aside by playlists and podcast? Once again it seems something I ought to engage with and explore in the hopes of a future filled with more poetry and perchance less fear or violence.

January 2, 2021

January 2, 2021 

It’s a new year and this year I get to start it off with a medical procedure, a colonoscopy to be exact - my new doctor in reviewing my chart noted I was overdue. So after all the indulgences of the holidays I get to start things off with a cleanse. Today started the first round of restrictions, no fiber, no raw veggies, no nuts, no seeds, no whole wheat. Tomorrow I move on to clear liquids - oh and a COVID test - results required before the Monday procedure. 

Honestly, I’m surprised it’s still scheduled. It’s been postponed twice already for various reasons including the need to be performed at a hospital. With COVID cases hitting new highs daily, I’m surprised they have room for me. Lisa gets to drop me off and pick me up, not being allowed in the building herself, and with the current closures can maybe do a drive through Starbucks and wait in the car - do parking lots have WiFi now? I’ll be glad when this is behind me, the electoral votes counted, the inauguration performed, and the spikes from Christmas and New Year, start their hopeful decline. There are still obstacles to overcome, but at least for the moment, a path is suggested.