September 8, 2020

September 8, 2020 

Yellow skies again 

Fires still burning 

While snow starts to fall 

Labor Day turns back to a day of labor and I pretend to work gazing into my unopened emails. There are meetings - and I take illegible notes that I’ll decipher over tomorrow’s coffee. My to-do list grows. 

I think about sending notes to my friends, to let them know I’m still thinking of them - I fear we are growing ap I don’t want too get used to this but I fear I am. New routines and rhythms have already been adopted - I need to make sure they include the the things I keep overlooking. 

Slowly I am making progress. I’m a patient man but my impatience wares on me - so I look for the small victories I can celebrate everyday. There will always be more I could have done, but to do something, anything to move me forward needs to be acknowledged. Progress can happen, like the wildflowers growing in the garden - unnoticed till they all start to bloom. The roots are taking hold

September 7, 2020

September 7, 2020 

Woke up this morning to yellow skies. The heatwave has broken and a breeze has set in, but along with the comfort of cooler temps it has also brought the ash and soot or neighboring wild fires. I had thought this might be a day I could sit outdoors again, but instead it’s just another version of apocalypse. 

A quiet day for me, a chance to read some more, catch up on podcasts - but the fires are still burning and threaten people we know, so we keep refreshing the feeds, hoping for containment, or more encouraging news. But like everything else, we can only wait.

September 7, 2020

September 7, 2020 

1AM - just back from a dog walk. Finally temps below 80 so the pugs can take it. Now home, settled in after some treats and they’re ready to call it a day. 

I finished another book today - the Plague, which I started before at the beginning of the pandemic. Part of me Wants to say that now that I finally finished, the pandemic itself can come to an end. The book itself is uncannily timely and the observations spot on from how people react to their personal evolutions through fear, fatigue, and desire. I can only imagine how our own aftermaths will unfold from adulation to a continuing grief. We’ll all be marked for certain. 

Meanwhile as we sheltered in AC to avoid the 105+ temps outside, I took on the task of trying to recreate a cocktail of bourbon, pomegranate, and lemon - delightfully fresh aperitif with a velvety finish - I think I’ve got close, so another win for the day. 

I’ve been making a conscious effort to focus on what I accomplish each day, before I take a look at the unchecked items of my to-do list. When I start there, I feel like Sisyphus watching the rock roll down the hill and feel either resentment or despair - or both. I wonder if I’ve passed my point of wallowing, now that I seem to be getting a few things done - or I’ve just adjusted my expectations to reflect what I really can do? Regardless, I’m feeling better at the moment - so I’ll take that while it lasts.

September 5, 2020

September 5, 2020 

Hot day and supposed to be hotter tomorrow - and yet I was surprisingly productive. Perhaps it was knowing it would be way to hot to do any of the garden tasks on my to do list, but I took advantage of our AC and took on our laundry room pantry which has been accumulating clutter since well before Covid. I’ve also joined a friend’s “Fly Lady” inspired Facebook group and accepted the fact that our housekeeper may never return. 

One of our friends is also spending the weekend with us, no AC of his own and living inland the heat is much more brutal. Unfortunately, I fear my clutter project has made me a poor host. Through we agreed in advance that we would all have our projects to work on, we haven’t seen our friend in months. Fortunately the bulk of my project is done so we can take a little more time for conversation for the rest of the long weekend. 

I suppose this all increases our exposure risk, but that ship has sailed as we occupy the same interior space and hold up together in our air conditioned home - we’re not going anywhere else.

September 2, 2020

September 2, 2020 

Last night we were finally going to start the mandalorian and take advantage of our Disney+ subscription, but we realized we hadn’t seen episode 9 yet, so watched that instead. 

We’ve been going to bed to Audiobooks of Norse and Greek myths so this fit right in in a Bruno Bettelheim way. I was struck by how heavy handed the good versus evil narrative of the Star Wars universe is. Whereas in mythology the gods are fickle, capricious, deeply flawed self serving agents who live in a world beyond good and evil, in Star Wars, the villains are creatures of pure evil only dwelling in fear, hate, and occasional performative acts of loyalty. Thankfully the “good” in this narrative at least display human flaws (if only to underscore that is an essential part of being “good,” 

I find evil villains of this sort perplexing - I mean, say they “win” and have ultimate world/galaxy/universe domination - what do they do in the following day? Have a beer? Hang out with friends? Yell at the neighbor kids? - All things they could do regardless . I suppose one could invoke the will to power as a driving motivation, the desire to dominate, to be alpha prime - but isn’t that another form of inauthentic living? After fighting to have to have power, you then are forced to spend your remaining days being paranoid about loosing it, until one way or another - the heat death of The universe - you ultimately do. I guess you get to make people suffer along the way to force them to acknowledge your power, but isn’t that then a weakness? A strength only possessed when witnessed by all of humanity? I dunno, perhaps Palpatine would have had a more satisfying life experiencing existential dread instead of the force.