June 22, 2020

June 22, 2020 

Got back my test results, and despite managing to stay on the right side of borderline, my blood sugar finally crossed over into diabetic territory - so off to find some ways to get some more steps in and avoid the lure of the carbs. 

I also confirmed that that weird flu I had at the end of February, was in fact just a weird flu and not a mild case of the Covid. So no immunity (not that a positive antibody test can assure that yet) and I’ve added to my risk factors. 

Swell. I’m still hoping I can turn this around, I know what I need to do, I know what’s worked for me in the past. I’m just annoyed that the DTLA habits I set up for myself aren’t anything I’m going to return to - and so, I have to find another way to do it here.

June 21, 2020

June 21, 2020 

Father’s Day, Solstice, another weekend down. This weekend we brought in gardeners to clear weeds, cut back vines, trim trees - and I have to say they transformed our environment in a matter of hours. I keep thinking this is something I should be able to do myself, but at the rate I was going, I could barely keep up with the new growth. I have to thank Lisa for making it happen, bypassing my best intentions. 

This afternoon we spent some time putting the patio furniture back in place, cleaning off the tables, the fountain and then just sitting back with the dogs, having a beer in our backyard - mild summer day. That’s all I really wanted - and now I have it on the first day of Summer. I will enjoy that space. 

Friday I had my first post- Covid doctors appointment. It was in person, so missed out on the telemedicine experience, but there was blood work to be had. I’ve gained the Covid 19, I knew that - but now it’s clear that work at home is here to stay and I’ll have to work in some new habits to a be more active, probably walking the neighborhood without the pugs. All this is transitioning my way of thinking, that this is a temporary moment instead of a permanent shift. Sure, there is more change to come - but these changes will be more about new situations than returning to anything familiar.

June 14, 2020

June 14, 2020 

We actually dined out this weekend - and honestly I remain conflicted about it. On the one hand it was great to go to a familiar place, see the same faces (albeit masked) and get to catch up like old friends. Also great to hear, “shall I get your favorite beer” to have indulge the fantasy that everything is back to normal again. Of course it’s not. 

We went in that in between time that is neither lunch nor dinner so social distancing wasn’t a problem. In fact as a patron I felt safer dining than I do when I walk the dog, with people out walking or having graduation parties on their front lawns - I’m constantly crossing the street, reversing course, or just stepping up a driveway to minimize contact. But that’s the selfish perspective - the risk isn’t to the patron, it’s to the server who get to deal with patrons who take the rules less seriously. 

Again, I have the privilege to work at home, to be safe, and still have an income. The people working these jobs don’t have that luxury and are stuck pretending everything is fine to the shittiest of clients. So I did my part, to perpetuate the capitalist machine, to contribute to the local economy, to generate income for my neighbors and participate in their exploitation. I hope we find better ways as we work through this.

June 10, 2020

June 10, 2020 

Moved my car again for street sweeping, still a full tank 3 months later. The spider webs are now accumulating twigs, leaves, and other vegetation, soon my car will evolve into a mobile shrubbery. Rumor has it that my work is planning on selling their downtown headquarters, which is sad because working downtown was one of my favorite things about my work. Of course the downtown I loved doesn’t exist anymore, vanished like Weimar Berlin - or perhaps just biding away for now as outdoor cafes seem ready to spring into existence. 

I’ve been trying to stay in the moment by focusing on what is the best thing I can do now - sometimes, that’s nap, do the dishes, or make that doctors appointment - but I find I need some future thinking to keep me motivated, thoughts about where I’m headed, what I hope to accomplish - how to create that philosophy store, or epicurean garden. 

Disneyland announced it would try to open on its 65th birthday (July 17, 2020). Most people I know think it’s too soon, but one of my goals for the year was to attend Disneyland’s birthday so I’m sort of torn about it, as if It were to happen at all I’d go alone and then probably have to go into a 14 day quarantine. But I have a number of things on my 2020 list that I can no longer do as I originally imagined. It’s probably time to revisit that list and modify it accordingly - find my post-COVID, pre-election goals that go beyond exploiting my privilege yet bring me some sense of fulfillment. Everything is a work in progress.

June 7, 2020

June 7, 2020 

The weekend is once again over, and once again I have little to show for it - a haircut, which in these times is actually significant and borders on political. Is Covid over, is it safe to do such things? In my weekend out, I saw plenty of folks unmasked, crowded on streets, which are now being filled with patio diners. The restaurants and shops seem to be mostly struggling to comply. 

Actually, I think most of us are trying to find ways to make things sustainable over the long term. We had a visit from friends for a Birthday celebration, we saw each other masked at 20 feet for about 20 minutes. Was that okay? Certainly safer than meeting at a restaurant for dinner. Is there a way to safely expand one’s pod? 

And while contemplating this, word of someone I know having died, with Covid aa a likely contributor. My last conversation with her touched on my cancelled appointment in Santa Monica, where she once lived and that she hadn’t seen me in person since her father’s funeral. From what I gather from mutual friends, her relationships were carried out mostly online, messenger, Facebook, words with friends is how she interacted with the world and what I feel worse about is that none of us had seen her recently in person, not even masked, at 20 feet for 20 minutes. 

Meanwhile, I feel I should say something about the protests, that I support them, that we need to look beyond labeling individuals as racist or not, but start to find ways to dismantle the institutional racism that gets perpetuated in our infrastructure. My manicured feed though, will likely have 99% agreement on that. I’m glad though that the current messaging has included notice that in our attempt to confront our own, often ignorant racism, that we will make mistakes, and that we need to find ways to acknowledge our failings so we can move beyond them. 

A few years ago I recognized that my education had some severe gaps by not including women and people of color in its curriculum. My major was in philosophy which prides itself in challenging assumptions, but I found that one the real downsides of privilege is that it blinds you from seeing it - leaving so many assumptions unchallenged. I feel I’ve been playing catch up, only reading James Baldwin or Belle Hooks in the last two years. That’s my personal project, but more will have to change, and I will have to challenge myself to help make it happen. It’s hard to see the flaws in a system you have benefited itself from.

June 5, 2020

June 5, 2020 

Another week down, this one filled with curfews, angers, and fears. Lisa has work again which has brought us downtown at least once a day - I don’t know which is more surreal, the empty streets of Covid we saw last, or this week’s boarded store fronts patrolled by the National Guard. I keep hearing that restrictions are being eased, but it seems even more places are closed. 

I see in Paris, The cafes and streets crowded with the mostly unmasked, celebrating their release from quarantine and a return to normal life. I don’t see that happening for us anytime soon. And yet, tomorrow I have a hair appointment - so hows that for a moment of denial and privilege? It’s almost embarrassing considering the ongoing struggles taking place across the nation. But it will feel good to support a friend and small business.