I woke up this morning feeling depressed and entirely unmotivated. Two snoring pugs presses up against me and I thought it would be foolish to leave such a dog pile. But I had work, a meeting at 9:00 - which is actually plenty of time but I dreaded the process. Shower, get dressed, walk the dogs, pour some coffee, and pretend to be productive.
I took a long hot shower. One of the joys of a tankless water heater is that it never runs out of hot water so you can stay as long as you please. They say these are good for the environment, but I know better. Sometimes my moods need a good cleaning, a power wash and steam. This was one of those mornings where I just let the water flow over me in a sort of transcendental consciousness - I could have been chanting on, but instead my brain played an ear worm medley of Jobim and Astrude Gilberto. Hot languid bossanova beats till I was ready to emerge into the silence of the house.
My mood did shift as I slowly accepted my obligations for the day, knowing they would soon be behind me ticking off each task, each meeting, each chore. There will always be more to do, and it’s will be there again tomorrow.
I know I get repetitious, and my thoughts tend to wallow, but it’s hard to escape it. I hope if I’m at least honest about that, I might find a path to overcome it. Nihilism is too easy, and always available - good for that downward spiral. But even if nothing matters, there is something that matters to me, if not to anyone else. That’s what I seek on days like today, and sometimes that takes shape in the sounds of bossanova in a long hot shower.
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