I gave up last night. As the inevitable word came down that California would go Into lockdown - or “safer in place” all I wanted to do was see my friends - and drink heavily. So I did. I left the dishes, didn’t walk the dog and let my 77 consecutive days of trying to learn French lapse. Why bother, I thought as I climbed into bed - that next stage of “depression” seems to have finally caught up to me.
Today, I clean up the mess I left for myself. Return to my virtual office to pretend that I’m still contributing something. I’m actually looking forward to the weekend now in this timeless place.
My dog walks are taking longer now as people venture onto their porches to exchange news of our lives, who is in the hospital, and who is getting out, or the various tasks we’ve taken on to mark the time, movies watched, appliances cleaned, cocktails consumed.
I’m trying to focus on gratitude - and there’s plenty to be grateful for: my friends who strive to stay connected, my community that’s finding ways to provide for one another, that I have a job that allows me to work from home. But this will be a long journey, and I’ll stumble from time to time, just need to remember to get back up and keep going - that rock isn’t going to push itself up the hill.
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